I don’t really know what to write, seeing as a I haven’t, written, in a while . Mostly out of fear of what will be revealed. My life here, in the city, is strange and hectic. I work endless hours with so,e really amazing people. We’re all a close knit family. Very much like a family in the sense that wee are all so very different from one another but still make sense to be together. We go out and spend so much time with one another, wee know eachtoehers secrets and fears. Where all looking for something, just don’t know what yet. We have actors and singers, vampire vixens and lone wolves, yet someone these things all work in harmony for the best evionrnment I have been in in a long time. We know how to have a good time and forget the previous night but also support each other in each of our arts.
Today I did a photo shoot with my lovely Ipek. Came out amazing. It was very vulnerable though, not sure hw I feel abut it yet. And in all honesty I feel like an ass hole today. Made my love leave,and passed out when I was supposed to go visit my mother. But I got her a beautiful purse and a really cute card. I hope she forgives me and likes them.
I don’t know how I feel abut things at this moment in time, I really don’t know how I can feel. I’m stuck. I love it here don’t get me wrong, I mean I live in New York City for fuck sake, but something is missing, I think that something is my feeling of adventure. I need to go out, get out, I’ve already put my self in such a vulnerable position that I’m afraid ill fall off some sort of band wagon and die. Haha, maybe not die, but be paralyzed by fear. Wait a minute, that’s completely irrational. If I’m here why shouldn’t I take a chance? Worst that could happen is I fall down a rabbit hole. Rabbits are nice.
Yeah, maybe that’s what I’ll do. Run. Run and scream and dare to be me. Not be afraid if what people may think, or what I’m supposed to do. I’ve always done that you know, what im “supposed” to do. Fuck that. I was made for bigger and better things than the norm of society. I’ve known that for a long time and I’ve reached outside of the box, but I’ve never gone full fledged. Easier said than done of course. But fuck man, I can find anything here. I mean in the sense of the arts, we’ve go the craziest fucks around. Now let’s boogie Marina, cause ain’t nobody got time for this.